Tonight, I am struggling to trust God’s purposes for this baby. It feels like such a waste. What was the point? Has anything changed for the better because our baby was with us for a month? It’s like the Psalmist says, “can anyone praise You from Sheol?” The dead cannot praise God. Life moves on so quickly after a pregnancy loss. And this early on, there is so little to show for our baby’s life. I was pregnant one day and woke up the next morning, not pregnant at all.
This is where the rubber meets the road: can I trust God when it feels so contrary?
It reminds me of Abraham. We’ve been studying his life and story in our Sunday morning sermons at church. What did he do when he was struggling to trust God?
The me-before-two-Sunday’s ago would have said he should just suck it up and tell his heart to trust God more.
The me-after-that-sermon now understands I need to run to Jesus and ask Him to sustain my faith and trust. Ask Him to reassure my heart that though life moves on quickly past my baby’s one month presence on earth, my baby’s life has meaning and purpose: a purpose I may never fully understand until I see Jesus’ face. Ask Him for reassurances, just as Abraham did.
These are the moments where you realize that all those listening-to-Sunday-morning-sermons matter. You don’t know when or how you will need those encouragements and lessons from the sermon. But count on it, some day it will be your life-line, if you let it.
P.S. Here is the link to the sermon that has impacted me so much: https://www.graceevfree.org/sermons/how-am-i-to-know/