I woke up in a world that I would soon discover I had so little control over. A world where I was taught to believe that integrity is the standard of good character, and what you believe about life and the world matters more than what you eat, sleep, or drink – that life is not just about survival or my personal happiness and comfort – but that there are rights and wrongs, truths and lies. Yet when I awoke to the world, weaned from the cocoon of my parent’s home, it was a rude awakening indeed. The world I live in does NOT believe in integrity, and good character, while deemed good by one’s level of honesty, is not based on objective standards that all must measure up to. And this was not only in the “world” that I thought to be dark and evil, but right in my backyard, front yard and the seat next to me – among those I believed to be “my people”.
In my fundamentalist background, life is black and white, right and wrong. But the world is much grayer, and much more dreary than that. Oh, I would much rather it be that simple. But the black infiltrates the white and turns everything gray. White is few and far between, and reserved for “only the best of us” – which, in truth, is really none of us, though some of us are “farther along” in obtaining the purity of integrity than others. In fact, there is only One who is purely white — He alone bears the white robe, the perfect spotless robe of integrity and faithfulness. Without His robe, the rest of us are simply wearing filthy rags.
The worst part of my rude awakening is realizing that I cannot control my world. I ache to be a person of integrity, yet the world around me presses in. I long for a world that encourages me in my pursuit of integrity, but instead I have ended up in a world that is much more, indeed nearly fully, at enmity with me.
What is a girl to do?
Ah yes, here comes the Sunday School answer. Or maybe not.
“He will not falter or be discouraged, til he establishes justice on earth.” (Isaiah 42: 4).
He is the Messiah, the promised Servant of the Most High God, who will usher in a Kingdom of righteousness. A world where everyone does what is right. The fight will be over, the battle won. And guess what? He will not falter until that world is ushered into existence.
What is a girl to do? Look to the King, the Promised One, put all my hope and trust and faith in the One to Come. For that Kingdom WILL come. It is, as we so often say, just a matter of time.